Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
