why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
