i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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