"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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