I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
