i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
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