I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
