Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
