I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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