I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i have two assholes
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
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