i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
