I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Drunk is not a location!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
