my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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