You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
