non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
