He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
