The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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