we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
