the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
