I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Randomize
