This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
