well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
