He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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