wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
