Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
