Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
