so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
