My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
