Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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