there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
