If that was your dad, he is hot
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
