how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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