Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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