Define "chronic" masturbator.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
