Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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