Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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