I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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