I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
