I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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