Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
