fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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