You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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