i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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