I molested 6 butterflies tonight
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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