i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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