I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
