his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
