the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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