Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
