Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Randomize
