i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
