She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
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Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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