roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
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