i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
