Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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