you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
