i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
did i just pee glitter
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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