I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
