so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
