God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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