what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
